I am. I’m afraid.

When I started getting ready to write this I had no idea that it would be as hard as it has been. I started with the list and then came back up to write this intro piece. The list is one of the hardest things that I’ve tried to write in a long, long time. I believe that from time to time here and other places I do express myself and give glimpses into the inner workings of my tangled mess. But I’m not sure that I’ve ever really just laid it out there like I’m doing right now.

This list of things made me question everything that I’ve done in my life. It has me thinking about plans that I made that never were followed through on. Decisions that I would make differently if I had them to make again. People who I hurt and lost and loved and am still sorry to. And it has made me think about the future and all of the “what ifs” that come with it.

Am I ready to face any or all of these fears? I’m not sure. I hope that none of them come up today. I can tell you that in all openness and honesty.

I do know that at some point these are things that I will have to deal with. I’m aware. I’ll deal. And it will be up to me to either prepare myself as best that I can or go in blind and hope for the best and see what happens. I have a feeling the list will be split into a little bit of both.

The list itself is in no order. In fact, it’s not even the order that I wrote it in.

Things I’m afraid of

  • Repeating the mistakes of my past that have hurt people that I care about
  • Offending people
  • Losing the ability, opportunity, option of expressing myself through words
  • Failing miserably
  • Not taking chances
  • Not being good enough
  • Being alone in the end
  • Letting down people who are counting on me
  • Dying before I’ve done something that people will be proud of me forThere it is – the list that I came up with today when I started thinking about it. If I were to sit here and think on it for a while longer there may be other things that could be added. I’m sure that those of you who know me could add things based on everything that you’ve experienced with me over the years.
  • I wrote this today because I know that I can’t avoid this list. And the easiest way for me to avoid avoiding these things is to put them out into the world. It gives you all the chance to call me on my bullshit whenever you see fit. It’s also a start as far as owning up to the fact that I, like you, have fears. I’m not a machine! And I need to start excepting that and moving forward.

    It will also help me become even more awesome.

    Don't be afraid to love - do it bigger!

     

    You're a good man Charlie Brown

    creator of content, manager of community, writer, tweeter, coffee drinker. sports, comics, movies, food, music & pop culture geek. Proud MoBro.

    8 comments on I am. I’m afraid.

    1. tenleigh says:

      Just being you is enough for us to be proud of you for.

      XO

      1. Joshua says:

        Thank you Tenners. You’re the best!

    2. FEAR -> False Evidence Appearing Real

      If you’re afraid re-examine the facts, they are not as bad as you think!

    3. Roxy says:

      I love you, as is, no alterations required.

      1. Joshua says:

        i love me too. and you. but i’m still scared sometimes.

    4. You know what brave means? Being afraid to do something and still doing it. Writing this was very brave. Love ya!

      1. Joshua says:

        thank you very much. that means a lot.

    5. Dominique Lafleche says:

      We’re all afraid sometimes, but one of the many reasons I luv ya, is the courage you have to express yourself, and in all hoensty, I luv ya just the way you are!

    Comments are closed.

    I am. I’m afraid.

    When I started getting ready to write this I had no idea that it would be as hard as it has been. I started with the list and then came back up to write this intro piece. The list is one of the hardest things that I’ve tried to write in a long, long time. I believe that from time to time here and other places I do express myself and give glimpses into the inner workings of my tangled mess. But I’m not sure that I’ve ever really just laid it out there like I’m doing right now.

    This list of things made me question everything that I’ve done in my life. It has me thinking about plans that I made that never were followed through on. Decisions that I would make differently if I had them to make again. People who I hurt and lost and loved and am still sorry to. And it has made me think about the future and all of the “what ifs” that come with it.

    Am I ready to face any or all of these fears? I’m not sure. I hope that none of them come up today. I can tell you that in all openness and honesty.

    I do know that at some point these are things that I will have to deal with. I’m aware. I’ll deal. And it will be up to me to either prepare myself as best that I can or go in blind and hope for the best and see what happens. I have a feeling the list will be split into a little bit of both.

    The list itself is in no order. In fact, it’s not even the order that I wrote it in.

    Things I’m afraid of

  • Repeating the mistakes of my past that have hurt people that I care about
  • Offending people
  • Losing the ability, opportunity, option of expressing myself through words
  • Failing miserably
  • Not taking chances
  • Not being good enough
  • Being alone in the end
  • Letting down people who are counting on me
  • Dying before I’ve done something that people will be proud of me forThere it is – the list that I came up with today when I started thinking about it. If I were to sit here and think on it for a while longer there may be other things that could be added. I’m sure that those of you who know me could add things based on everything that you’ve experienced with me over the years.
  • I wrote this today because I know that I can’t avoid this list. And the easiest way for me to avoid avoiding these things is to put them out into the world. It gives you all the chance to call me on my bullshit whenever you see fit. It’s also a start as far as owning up to the fact that I, like you, have fears. I’m not a machine! And I need to start excepting that and moving forward.

    It will also help me become even more awesome.

    Don't be afraid to love - do it bigger!

     

    You're a good man Charlie Brown

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